I was cleaning out my closet yesterday and I found this poster thing that I’ve been meaning to put up. I got it as a present for my gr12 grad back in 2008. I read over the inspirational writing on it and I felt like sharing it.
FOLLOW YOUR DESTINY. WHEREVER IT LEADS YOU.
There comes a time in your life when you realize that if you stand still, you will remain at that point forever. You realize that if you fail and stay down, life will pass you by.
Life’s circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be. You may at times be lied in directions that you never imagined, dreamed, or designed. Yet if you had never put any effort into choosing a path, or attempting you dream then perhaps you would have no direction at all.
Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction you life has taken, accept the fact that there is a path before you now. Shake off the “why’s” and the “what if’s,” and rid yourself of confusion.
Whatever was- is in the past. Whatever is- is what’s important. The past is a brief reflection. The future is yet to be realized. Today is here.
Walk your path one step at a time- with courage, faith and determination. Keep your head up, and cast your dreams to the stars. Soon a path that you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction for you to follow.
Keep your belief in yourself and walk into you new journey will find it magnificent, spectacular, and beyond your wildest imaginings.
ok i lied. i don’t not write because i have nothing to say. i don’t write because i have too much to say that i might not know when to stop. people who know me know about my bad luck when it came to.. well like i said, if u knew me, ud know what im talking about. after him, i said to myself i’d lay off the whole emotional thing with any guy i meet. keep it casual. hang out then eventually be able to ditch whenever i got too close, or just whenever i want, play the field like they say minus the sleeping around part (that’s just gross haha). i said to myself that i wouldn’t let myself have “feelings” for anyone - at least not for a while. if not that whole casual thing, then at least not date. just be me. go to work, exercise, go out with my friends, study. all that stuff every single person does. then this one person, out of nowhere comes along - a loser, corny, random who turns out to be the person who changes my mind about all these things i said to myself.
at first i tried to ignore it. i didn’t want to think that he would turn out to be someone more than just a person i have too much in common with. not that i really have a lot of people i have a lot in common with, but like i said, i just didn’t see anything past our common interests in Ryan Atwood lol (he’s not gay i promise. haha). turns out, there was more to him than his constant and very random youtube video posts and witty side comments. then came the tricky part, because i knew he felt the same way i felt.. then so on and so forth, you all know how this kind of story goes right? he asked me today about… well i don’t really remember.. oh no wait, i do now haha. it was something about me getting used to things that he does. and i said “you’re easy to get used to”. i didn’t really mean to say it out loud and i was really just thinking it in my head because i knew he will not take it the way i meant to say it. turns out i was right. he says “because you’re gonna get bored of me?” as a joke, or i think he meant it as a joke lol. again, if you know me, im not the kind who gets bored of the people im with. i can say i doubt, but i don’t get bored, i get easily amused by the little things (ok getting sidetracked, see what i mean about actually writing the shit that goes on in my head?!). anywhos, what i actually meant by that, and the purpose of me writing this was me trying to say “you’re easy to get used to, which means that i’m pretty sure im used to having you around the way i do now, WHICH means if i lost you, it would.. well, suck.” then i started thinking, right then and there, that i AM used to him. he was almost, like a habit already, and come to think of it we’ve really only been dating what? like a little over 2 weeks? not that it’s a bad thing, i think it’s a great thing. because he’s a habit, and yet kind of like, a present i’m still trying to unwrap (haha, that was good logic! lool). anyways, i guess my point is, i know what disappointment feels like. i know what it’s like to let yourself be a part of something, then find out that that something doesn’t want you to be a part of them, nor would give you something to have the littlest bit of faith in. “hurt” would be the best way to describe it, and just like everyone else, im afraid to get hurt. letting someone this close to you can lead to that already. i know he’s not gonna treat me like crap, lie to my face, diss my friends, make stories up to make himself look much better than he actually is, nor will he cheat on me, but the fact that i’ve let him this close, scares me a lot. ask me if i would’ve done it differently? i’d say no. i would’ve done the same thing the same way given the chance to re-do it because i like where we are. it’s just, i hope i don’t get lost in it all because i’m slowly getting comfortable, and IF i do lose all this. it would well, hurt.
i need to get some sleep. i need to stop being all emo and what have you about all this. trust issues i guess. goodluck.
i saw you, and you couldn’t look at me the same way. you even gave me this darting look that made my stomach cringe a little bit. i couldn’t even look you in the eye. i couldn’t even laugh at any jokes. i don’t know what happened, but i guess we both let go. whatever it is that led us to drift apart or fall apart, i’d like to think that maybe this is a good thing. if i were to be honest, there were things about you that i never saw before, that now i know i don’t appreciate. i know as a friend, i’m supposed to love you, flaws and all. but for some reason, there was something about you i couldn’t accept anymore. and i’m sorry. i will care about you, always… but i don’t think i can look at you the same way anymore. maybe this is for the best, because then spending time with you would be just me lying - both to you and to myself. before i go though, i want you to know that i appreciate everything you have done for me. physically being there to support me especially when i needed it the most. telling me i still look pretty the day i wore sweatpants and a shirt that’s not meant to be worn in public because i woke up late for a midterm. sitting with me and making fun of people. studying with me. bringing me that yummy vanilla mccain cake when i was broken hearted and crying. making me those burnt make shift cinnabon buns at my house. making me some chicken tenders because i wanted some from baton rouge but i was broke. teaching me how to make better mashed potatoes. coming to my birthday. for telling me i deserve better and still sat there telling me the same thing over and over again no matter how stubborn i was. taking me to your special spot with that nice view. just being there for me always. i’ll never forget you, i can promise you that. and i’ll always treasure that friendship we had for the past couple years. but this is it. it’s time for the both of us to move on. you seem to be taking care of yourself very well anyways. you always have. and for that, kudos to you. goodluck with the rest of your life. i’ll make sure i’ll say hi next time i see you around.
I was watching The Lake House but my DVD copy won’t cooperate and I got to only the first 40 minutes of the movie. Anyways, there was this one part where Sandra Bullock’s character, named Kate, as a doctor has a conversation with a little girl that went like this:
Girl Patient: There’s always something better coming around the corner. That’s what she says… Kate: If she’s not careful, she can spend her whole life waiting.
I wanted to be that person. The person who will wait for something better to come. After the things I have been through, of course I feel like I finally deserve something to make me smile, to make me feel like I’ve never felt before. But now I’m scared. I’m scared of sky rocketing expectations that lead to disappointments. I’m scared of not being content with what I have. I’m scared that I might look past what is right in front of me and miss out on what could be a good, no, great thing. I want to still be able to appreciate the little things, and yet still know that I deserve something great.
… my favourite part from the book. i read this before, and i came across it again!
Which came first: the addict or the drug?
You can’t have an addiction unless there’s something to crave, by the same token, a drug is nothing but a plant or a drink or a powder, until someone wants it badly. The truth is, the addict and the drug came together. And there lies the problem.
When you want something desperately, you shake with the need for it. You tell yourself you don’t need more than one sip. because it’s just the taste you crave, and one it’s on your tongue you will be able to make it last a lifetime. You dream of it at night. You see a thousand mile-high obstacles between where you stand and what you want, and you convince yourself you have the power to hurdle them. You tell yourself this even when, leaping the first block, you wind up bruised and bloodied and flattened.
I have been fooling everyone for years. Sure, I’ve given up alcohol, but that was nothing compared to my other addiction. Love is the most dangerous craving of all, if you ask me. It turns us into people we aren’t. It makes us feel like hell, and makes us walk on water. It ruins us for everything else.
I watch her doing the simplest things: brushing her hair into a ponytail, feeding the dog, tying Sophie’s shoelaces, and I want to tell her what she means to me, but I never actually say the words. After all, to acknowledge Delia as a drug, I’d have to face the fact that one day, I might have to go without her, and this I can’t do.
why do people cheat? a question everyone asks, but too afraid to answer. but you know what, the answer is plain and simple… people cheat because they are unsatisfied with their lives. they are constantly looking for something that would bring them contentment, security, a steady happiness… see, everyone wants all that, but that does not make cheating right, because you end up hurting another person in the process, and even worse, you end up hurting yourself.
i’ve been cheated on before, and really, it’s not pretty. and it’s definitely not the best feeling in the world. when it happened to me, i took that person back, several times. and when i did, it only made me less content with my life, definitely unhappier, and that constant feeling of paranoia ate me up inside. i lost respect for the person i was with, because i felt like i had the right to treat that person like crap because he owed me the world and more, and worse of all, i lost respect for myself.
i hear about people getting cheated on, and people cheating all the time. and knowing what it’s like to fit right in that situation, all i can say is, YOU DESERVE BETTER. nobody deserves to be lied to, and i think everybody deserves to be treated like royalty by the person they are with, and everybody has that responsibility to make the person they are with feel special, feel loved. i think relationships should be all about respect - respect for the other person, who they are, what they do, their ambitions, their dreams, their imperfections, and more importantly, respect for yourself. because when you have respect, everything else falls into place. im not saying that with respect comes a perfect relationship, but with respect, love, trust contentment and everything else will follow.
i guess im writing this in light of the situation of someone i know, and in light of a situation i have been through. i made a promise to myself that the next time i give my heart to someone else, i make sure they respect that decision of me giving my heart away to them. and that they know, that i deserve to be treated well, because i know i will treat them well too. because once a person cheats, nothing will ever be the same in that relationship. nothing can ever change the fact that at one point, that person wanted someone else but you.
case in point: love the one you’re with. appreciate the one you’re with. be grateful for the one you’re with. respect the one you’re with and yourself. if you’re not willing to do any of those, then maybe you should start thinking twice.
i fell in love with this book. i wish i had a teacher like morrie haha. someone who would teach me the way morrie taught mitch. but then again i already read the book, that should teach me something lol. i like how it tells you to create your own culture. to appreciate the things around you, and live everyday like it’s your last. the book focuses a lot on how society needs to let go of the material things that we obsess over like money, new cars, and jobs.. because that leaves us just unsatisfied. people who wish that they were twenty-five again want to be young, because they are unsatisfied with their lives. i kinda wish though that the book would tell me what would give me a satisfying life. or at least tell me where to go so i dont live a life obsessing over material things. i want to live a life like morrie, and be able to share wisdom like he did to people around me.
anyways, definitely a great read. lots of valuable life lessons. i like the part about forgiveness, and about letting go of pride, and vanity. i need to apply that in my life.
one book down, 9 more to go for the summer. next book: Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult. i can’t wait to finish this, cuz i wanna go to chapters and go book shopping. that place makes me happy haha like i said, i love the smell of books <3
“Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
Add how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me”—Promise in the Dark - Keri Hilson
wanna know something about me? i love the smell of books.
These are my must-reads. Hopefully i get to read all of these by the end of the summer. I probably won’t, but Im just saying. haha i need to get into reading again! I once had a goal to read 10 novels in a summer. Got up to 7, i wanna get to at least 8, if not 7 this summer. And besides, I need to get off facebook and tumblr. I need to do more productive things with my life. Here we go….
Me to We: Finding Meaning in a Material World by Marc and Craig Kielburger
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom (reading this one right now)
Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards (i started this, but never continued.. not sure why, so i gotta finish what i started)
Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult (i also started this, but it was already the beginning of the school year when i did, so im gonna restart this book and read the whole thing. she’s an amazinnnggg writer, i love how she uses all characters’ point of view to reveal the plot of the story. just, amazing.)
A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews
A Million Little Pieces by James Frey (i googled a bunch of his other books, he seems like a really good author, so if i like this one, ill read more of his books)
Lucky by Alice Sebold
The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold (she wrote The Lovely Bones, which i loveddddd, so im reading all these.. haha)
The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (i chose to do The Kite Runner written by the same author for my book report back in grade 12, and fell in love with it. ive been meaning to read this one which i believe has a similar theme to The Kite Runner for a while now, so i should get on it haha)
okay i think that’s it for now. i should get back to reading, and get off tumblr.
OH WAIT, PS: any suggestions on any other amazing books out here? im on a hunt for some good reads! thanks :)
ever wonder how your childhood was like? over dinner today, my mom kept bringing up stories from when i was younger, and how lou and i were as little kids. and it was weird, cuz when she tells me these stories, it feels like it was never me. like it never happened. i know i don’t remember, of course i don’t remember lol. makes me want to see my life through my parents’ memories. and makes me think if my parents saw me growing up to be the person i am today. i wonder if they think they did a good job in bringing me and my siblings up. anyways, she tells the story of how my sister burned my knee by pouring boiling water on it when i was like, 1 or something. but she never told me the play by play of what happened that day. she wasn’t there, neither was my dad, cuz they both had work, and it was just mine and lou’s nannies who were home. my mom said lou’s nanny phoned her at work to tell her that my knee got first degree burns. and she apprently cried hearing this over the phone. all these years of me knowing that my knee got burned, i didnt know that that part of the story every happened. i dont know what the point of this blog is really haha. just wanted to share that with you. lol. now im just curious on what my childhood was really like. the part of my childhood you dont really remember.
today, a friend of mine texted me - he just got dumped and was looking for someone to talk to. he said if i didnt want to listen to him go “all emo”, then im better off not calling… but if i dont mind, then i should call. no need to talk, just listen. it’s now 11:41 pm, and i still havent called him when i said i would call at some point tonight. to be honest, i dont really know what to say to him, nor do i even know how to listen to this. he went out with this girl for.. uhm… 2 months? maybe not even? i dont really remember. but what do i say to someone who’s upset about a breakup? how exactly do i listen to someone go “all emo” on me because a girl he really liked ended up dumping him and wanted to be “just friends”. im scared to call him too. im scared to hear what he has to say. heartbreak (whether it be mine or another’s) has its effect on me. i know what it feels like to be left like that (maybe even worse), and to be honest, i dont really wanna hear it again. im sure he’s going to tell me how worthless he feels because of the girl, or how unwanted she makes him feel. i’ve been there, and i know how it feels, and i dont want to be reminded of how that feels like. because it hurts. call me a shitty friend, but once i hear him talk about upset he is because of her, it will be like hitting the rewind button for me. i don’t know. i guess i just dont want to be reminded of how much it hurt when it happened to me.